Tattoo Parlor Comes To Westfield

I saw this article and I couldn’t believe by eyes…

Tattoo Parlor Comes To Westfield

Upon learning that a Tattoo Parlor is moving into a yet to be disclosed downtown Westfield location, local residents are up in arms about what is to become of their beloved town.

Speaking on anonymity, the owner of the proposed Tattoo Parlor explained that he identified the town as an ideal location given its demographics and proximity to the train station.

“We hope to draw people from Newark and Plainfield to come into town on the train and get their Tats here” he said as he walked down Quimby Street noticing the large number of recent vacancies. “It should be good for the town to have us here, as our patrons are usually quite hungry after they spend so much time in the chair. There are plenty of nice places here for them to eat, especially the sushi and the burger joint. They may even shop too if there are any stores left.”

The owner believes that the relative good reputation of the town will also bring patrons from nicer suburban locations like Cranford and Summit besides Westfield itself. Apparently the rise in the number of middle age women and teenagers that are getting tattoos has made the industry quite profitable and the statistics show that being close to your customers makes a huge difference. The only problem that they anticipate facing is trying to get the town to let them stay open until midnight or even later since that’s when most people decide to get them.

“We would like to be close to one of the many bars in town since we see a lot of drunk people coming out of them on the weekends” the owner added. Apparently alcohol is good for business even though he admits that they are not supposed to service any drunken customers unless they come and sign the paperwork ahead of time. He said that for every 100 drunk people he inks he only has one or two that come back later with some form of a complaint…even less for underage kids.

“We have already decided to keep our signage relatively small and we are going to suggest that our motorcycle driving customers park their bikes on the South side of town where they will be less annoying given their loud exhaust pipes. We definately want to be on the North side however, since that’s where all the action is. We are talking to a number of residents just South of the train station about letting us set up a parking lot for motorcycles.”

One local resident voiced great distain for the proposed shop but added that if nothing can be done to get any decent establishments into the stores, that Tattoo parlors, Head Shops and quite possibly a Massage Parlor or two will probably end up coming in to fill the void.

“At least there will be some businesses to pay the property taxes and to keep people coming to town to and pay a lot of parking fines” she added. “We’ll just have to hire more police and get them new cars to drive around and patrol in. Maybe they can get a few of those fancy stand-up scooters for the parking enforcement people too.”

The long term plans of the owner are to start with a Tattoo parlor and then add a pool-hall and video game annex for his patrons to use while they wait their turn under the gun.

“You need to keep my kind of customers busy while they wait or else they get kind of excitable. We want to do everything in our power to avoid that, as we really are going to try and be good corporate citizens.”

He informs us that a special Tattoo in the shape of the Great Seal of Westfield has been designed and will be applied for free to any local politicians or members of the Downtown Westfield Corporation that would like to get one. It is about the size of a silver dollar and can be modified with a barbed wire outline if anyone likes a more deviant look.

Westfield Sinks While We All Get Fat

Having breakfast this morning at my all-time favorite diner, Vicki’s, I heard news that the pendulum is once again swinging on downtown Westfield.

Apparently big companies are moving out in droves as are a few of the smaller retail establishments.

Not that many years ago, many of the old mom and pop stores closed up shop and sat vacant; not because they didn’t want to stay in business but because a select few landlords kept raising rents and forced them out of business.

Apparently, the landlords preferred to sit on vacant retail space in hopes of luring some big fish into town and to get higher rents.

Well, it worked and I’m sure that many of them have made tons of dough.

However, now that the economy has softened dramatically, it appears as though those big fish are retrenching and are now pulling up stakes and leaving.

It seems to me that Westfield is not going to be a retail destination any longer but will continue to evolve itself into a dining mecca.

After all, I’m sure that all of the rich people who live only a few blocks away from town appreciate being able to eat and drink at a myriad of epicurean destinations having only a short drive or walk back to their mcmansions after the possibility of having copious libations.

Can you blame them?

However, when it comes to retail, besides the fact that Westfield has miserably failed to address its parking problem, people would much rather go to a mall such as Short Hills where they can get covered or valet parking and a five dollar latte all in a 72 degree climate controlled environment.

So, unless they put a roof over Westfield and build a megalithic parking deck, Westfield doesn’t stand a chance to attract any more upscale retailers. Not unless those retailers have been ignoring what’s been going on.

Since the demographics are right, a few more flies might fall for the bait.

The difference between the mall and downtown Westfield is that the retailers at a mall are all dealing with one landlord who is very conscious about vacancy rates and willing to negotiate to keep tenants happy. In some cases they even offer free rent just to keep the traffic coming.

So, as Westfield continues to evolve itself into a dining destination, as well as a place to see others and to be seen by others, I just hope that nobody needs to buy a wrench or a pair of levi’s right away, because you’ll never find them in town.

For the sake of the landlords, I sure hope that this recession doesn’t curtail all of the dining patrons’ gluttonous ways or its curtains for everyone.

The Wicked Witch of Wytchwood vs The Timid Munchkins

 

I’m sure that Westfield, New Jersey is not all that unique.

I’m sure that many towns suffer from over development and greed, but Westfield has lately refined it to an art form.

There is a case going on now that truly amazes me at just how much a person is willing to alienate themselves from their community in the name of making a buck.

On the one hand, we have a woman and her family determined to cash in on the development of their property and on the other hand, we have a coalition of people vehemently opposed to anything that will change their quaint environs.

Does this sound familiar?

The amount of turmoil that a subdivision and construction of a house can cause, is truly amazing.

It seems to me that the best solution would have been to give the woman the money she wants, buy the parcel off of her, put a conservation easement on it and then sell it.

The people in that neighborhood can certainly afford it and in the name of getting what they want, it would have been a bargain.

Alas…

Like lemmings going for a swim, the opponents try legal maneuver after legal maneuver to prevent her from doing what she wants…

Which is making a few hundred grand.

So, the lawyers get rich, the woman is happily the bane of everyone’s existence and the neighbors get a brand new McMansion, or two, and live unhappily ever after.

Let’s hope that no homes are falling from the sky!

Rethinking the Toll Increase in NJ

Once again the politicians are discussing raising revenue and once again they want to tax us on services that we have already grown to depend upon and have factored into our daily lives.

For once, couldn’t they give citizens a new or enhanced service that we might actually choose to pay for if given the chance?

I think there is when it comes to the proposed toll hikes that Governor Corzine is pushing for.

Instead of his idea, I propose that New Jersey allows drivers to drive at a higher rate of speed, in return for buying the privilege of driving faster.

With all of our wonderful technology, including the ability to issue tickets based upon EZ Pass data, why can’t we charge a variable toll rate based upon the actual rate of speed during the journey?

This enhanced service would only be available to EZ Pass Customers.

Do you think EZ Pass would like that?

Car safety can be ensured by giving additional safety checks during the inspection process. These additional inspections would be at the expense of the driver including out of staters that could voluntarily get the special inspection.

Do you think that Parsons and all of the small mom and pop inspection centers would like that?

Start small…say the car lanes on the Turnpike and the Express Lanes on the Garden State Parkway. If it works, roll it out to other stretches of road and maybe even build express lanes that would have an ample funding source for once.

How much could they charge for this privilege?

I think they could easily charge a summertime shore commuter $10 extra or whatever it costs to keep the road moving for those willing to pay the surcharge. Extra service vehicles, better roads, video monitoring, whatever. The additional costs could easily be absorbed by the additional revenue…and then some.

Why not vary the rates based upon time of year and projected congestion.  Influence driver behavior like the markets influence buying behavior.

We pay different prices for gasoline don’t we? And we make the decision to buy or not to buy on the spot do we not?

If they post the prices well in advance of reaching the toll a driver can decide if they want or need to go faster or not and if so, how much it’s worth to them.

On the flipside, using our wonderful technology, the State could charge extensive fines for cars that exceed their designated speed limits. No special safety inspection? Pay a fine for speeding.

Is this a perfect solution? Probably not…

Is it worth exploring before we simply tax everyone and they get nothing in return but a higher cost of living?

I hope so.

Caution: Dog Free Zone Ahead

In traditional Westfield style, a newly emerging controversy is brewing in the local paper, The Westfield Leader.

Is it about property taxes, parking decks, policemen sleeping in their cars while on duty?

No.

It’s about whether or not dogs should be allowed in the downtown area.

On one side we have the overprotective moms who, in between trips to soccer practice, the nail salon and dinner at Echo Lake Country Club, feel as though the civil rights of their infants and toddlers are being jeopardized by overly friendly Golden Retrievers, Chocolate Labradors and so on.

On the other side, we have the aspiring suburban social climbers who feel as though their canine is as much a fashion statement as their Louis Vuitton bag, their convertible Mercedes and their well coiffed hair.

And so the showdown begins at the Westfield Corral.

I can see the headlines now.

“Woman pepper sprays Labrador for eyeing child’s pistachio gelato”

“Man accused of letting dog lick itself in front of impressionable Sun Dance student”

When will it end?

They say that too much money gives people too much time to contemplate things of too little consequence.

If this is true, Westfield people should donate all of their money to a good charity and get real jobs.

May I suggest The Seeing Eye?

Westfield New Jersey

My girlfriend and I both grew up in Westfield New Jersey and it’s just as great a place today as it was then.

However, the cost of homes and the property taxes keep us from living there right now. Instead, we have a house in Clark that will hopefully suffice until we can make the move back to our collective home town.

A lot of people think that Westfield is full of snobs.

In some ways they may be right.

People who live in Westfield do seem to act as though they are a cut above, but so do people who live in Summit, Short Hills and many other towns in the area.

Being a snob about where you live is much like rooting for your favorite baseball team or political party since you naturally find reasons why your side is better and the other is flawed.

In my opinion, Westfield does have an inherent quality about its downtown that makes it unique; with its train station squarely in the middle of town and its confluence of streets that make up the north side, other towns simply don’t have the physical complements of Westfield. Furthermore, it’s just far enough from the Short Hills and Woodbridge Malls that some big retailers find it worthwhile being located there.

There seems to be an overabundance of restaurants in town lately but since more and more keep coming, there must be enough demand to warrant their existence. The reality is you can get just about any cuisine in Westfield now including French, Thai and Hibachi not to mention multiple Italian and Continental establishments.

There are many things that you can no longer buy in town and for some of the things that you can still buy, you have to accept the fact that you WILL pay more and do so willingly simply to keep the last few local merchants in business.

For now, we are happy calling Clark home but spending much of our time in Westfield as we always have.

As this Blog evolves, I hope to discuss the parts of town I like most, some of the history that I lived while growing up in the town and to discuss the people in the town that make it truly a cut above.